Draco's Revelation
by typewriterkindaguy
Summary: Draco's tormented mind presents itself in a light which we haven't seen it before. Rated T for the moment, unless a further plot twist occurs and it needs to change. "I can't go prancing about. . . I DON'T PRANCE."


I lie in my bed, pondering my emotions as of late. I'd been confused, in love, and something I was desperately trying to repress. . . Homosexual_. I'm certainly no puff, _ I thought to myself, _surely it is only a phase._

Closing my eyes, visions of the exposed male form danced in my head. I abruptly opened my eyes, shaking _those_ images from my head. _I've always liked to be: well groomed, fragrant of only flowers, one who wears only designer attire. . . The signs have always been there. NO! these are the signs of wealth, pure-blood status, and royalty _-Draco argued within the confines of his blond head.

"YOU must place yourself on a pedestal above all those inferior beings, mud-bloods and blood-traitors alike." Lucius's voice rang in his ear.

Draco continued to argue with himself, _girls, no, I've never had an interest in for anything other than appearances. Boys, no, though I surround myself with them. . . BUT that's for protection, and most importantly reputation. _The voice in my head, sounded like my own, and I likewise recognized it, but it sounded very much different than it usually did.

The voice began to chant relentlessly, "Puff, fairy, faggot, queer. . . I'm Draco -stick it in my rear!"

I smacked my hand against my forehead, screaming, "Stop it!"

I wanted to cry as the self-loathing started, but I couldn't cry now. Not yet. I was to be in the public eye in but a mere few minutes, _I can't go prancing about. . . I DON'T PRANCE_. _I can absolutely not WALK about the halls with my face red and puffy from my tears of self hatred. _I picked myself up off the bed, dreading class today. I sighed, heaving a deep breath as if trying to cast my emotions, and gayness out with the laboured breath. _Stop calling yourself that Draco, _ my own voice echoed in my ear again, '_tis not true if you don't admit that it is. _ I knew that little voice in my head, it was denial. Another deep breath, followed by a loud exhalation.

I was sitting in class, Potions, I felt my eyes crusting over with the dryness of hatred and sleep. I closed them briefly, knowing that Severus wouldn't be too harsh on me. When I opened my eyes again, I felt the agony of the harsh brightness that even the dungeon's could possess. It really fucking burned, ouch. I rubbed my long, nimble, pale white fingers in circles at my temples attempting to rub the tension in my head away. I was not successful, gah, why can't I do anything right?

Severus dismissed the class, but not before asking me to stay after. Great, just what I needed was to be questioned by the probing mind of the Professor, and of all Professors the one who was loyal to the Dark Lord, and likewise a brother to my father. I waited for the rest of the class to read, I didn't want any pesky Gryffindor's hanging around to hear anything that might be said.

"You asked me to stay, Sir?"

In his low drawling voice, "Draco, what would it be that's upsetting you?"

I sighed, "Nothing really, just a little stress. The whole -thing. Ya know?"

Snape's eyes twitched, and he sucked in a deep breath through his nose before he made the Mhmmmm sound like someone being told something they either didn't understand or didn't believe. _Shit! I cannot lie to him, _I reasoned with myself, _he'll find out, he always does._ That's one of the things that bothered me about Severus, he somehow always knew what you were thinking, feeling, and he always knew when you were lying.

"May I go now, Sir?"

"Very Well," he said, his eyes narrowing.

I walked through the door, shivering, Severus's presence always left me feeling cold and slimy -well slimier. I moved down the corridor, finding Blaise standing propped against a doorway. He had the "Care of Magical Creatures" textbook in his arm, _great now to put up with that repulsive oaf and the equally repulsive prodigy. _My inner voices were really hostile, especially to Harry. _No, now is not the time to be thinking about Harry, nor is it the time to be sympathetic. _I forced a smirk on my face, knowing that it was expected of me to appear as a snobbish asshole. _Let's get this over with, _I attempted to rouse myself into stopping the thoughts. Yeah -that didn't work. I stewed within my head the whole duration of class. And to make matters, much much worse the always boasting Harry Potter got to ride the 'dangerous' creature. Well, I snapped, and lordy did I regret it. The great (in the large sense) beast brought its sharp tipped hoof down across my arm as I tried to approach it. Well. . . At least that distracted me from my thoughts.

Hermione felt the need to point out the obvious, and that is how I found myself in the largest most safe feeling arms I could ever imagine as the oaf carried me to the hospital wing. Crummy Gryffindors, I felt safe in the Half-Giants large, muscular arms. . . safer than I'd ever felt before or had ever, until then, known.

_Keep your composure, _ I screamed at myself in my head, _NO!_

_No Tears!_

_NOT NOW!_

Hagrid all but gently set me on the bed. I felt the Poppy Pomfrey's cold healing hands as they soothed the inflamed area around the large gape. Though the cut itself continued to burn with the fires of the hottest part of Hell; the gap continued to ooze dark red blood. I felt sleeping entering my head, such bliss as medicinally induced sleep. No dreams -No haunting dreams, at least.

What felt like seconds later, I awoke from the blissful sleep. . . To the scaring image before me me, the face of my father. In my head I once more heard that cold unfeeling voice _YOU must . . . YOURSELF. . . above. . . the REST. . . _ I batted my eyes open and shut a few times, though the light in the room was dim it was still stunning compared to that of the deepest sleep I had had in the longest while. My father's voice filled the room, though this time the sound poured from his mouth. What did not change, was the tone and connotation of his words -anger.

Or was it concern?

_Ha he does not give a fuck about me!_

_AT ALL! _

_All that DISGRACE cares about is passing on the Malfoy name!_

* * *

><p>Sorta the beta version<em>, just to gauge your reaction to one of my first stories posted here that will have no sexual scenes or acts depicted. I know, it's far from that of which I am sorta 'known' for. (If I'm known for anything at all) -Roger<br>_

_Cover image sourced from wiki/Draco_Malfoy_


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